I have small fragments of you left here in front of me

sharp pieces that hurt to pick up

I would rather bleed gripping onto the edges than accept that you're gone

Even if it was seemingly easy for you to leave, I'll convince that the shattering of us hurt you, too.

Because if it was easy

That means I am bleeding out all over this paper for a man that wouldn't apply pressure to the gaping wounds he leaves in every girl he is unsure about

I'll be stuck lying here hoping that the thoughts of you that escape my brain and fall out of my eyes, creating puddles on this paper, will be enough to clean up this scarlet mess that you left

Because even though you don't love me anymore or never did

I will always cover up your crimes and leave my own fingerprints on them

Every time.

 You've been the veins of my poetry since I met you

I worried that the day you left me here, I would be stuck with a stubborn, unwilling pen that refuses to write about you if the ending between us wasn't happy

I've been ripping the pages of this journal, gutting it like you did to me.

This pen, my journal

are the only memories between us I am willing to keep

 For every excuse I had to leave us behind

I rummaged through piles of my own baggage for a solution

Any solution that meant I could justify keeping you around

Most reasons I never found a solution to 

I never told you that

But you

Found your first and only excuse and sighed relief when it meant you finally had a reason to leave me 

I think that's what hurts the most now

I fought for solutions

You fought for excuses

The sorriest excuse I ever made 

Was abandoning my intuition if it meant getting to have you

 If I was on fire

Would you shed a single tear over losing what we had 

If you knew it would put me out?

-    why do you love to watch me burn?